Okay, here goes. I’ve seen this group encourage and lift up people through some of their hardest, darkest days and yet I’ve always hung back on the sidelines.
I make myself small. I silence my voice, and I convince myself that I would be selfish or come off as needy and attention seeking if I poured out my story. So I sit and hide. I’ve had anxiety for as long as I can remember. I used to make myself sick to my stomach with worry as a child and then convince my mom to let me stay home from school. My anxiety only grew. I will be 30 years old in July, and while I’ve made significant strides in the right direction over the past year, I still have a long way to go. A lot of people are doing random acts of kindness birthdays these days. As much as I love that, I’ve decided this year, I need to be kind to myself first. I want to do 30 things that scare me, and yes, writing this out and letting you all read it is definitely scary!!!
I’ve long desired to help others. I can never pinpoint what career I want (because thinking about myself and what I truly want, despite what other people would think or want for me is terrifying!!), but I want to be a help and a light to others in this cruel world. I’ve finally come to realize that one, I need to help myself first if I ever hope to help others, and two, my story is worth sharing if it makes even one person out there feel less alone, or less of an outsider.
So yes, I have anxiety and little things like going to Trader Joe’s can send me into a panic, and yes, I use food as a way to mask my feelings more often than not. But I am also worth a better life than the one I’ve led up to this point. I am worthy of love and kindness, and you all have shown me this. If complete strangers, brought together over the internet, can see the worth and beauty in me, then it is high time that I dig deep and find it for myself.
I love you all, and will never be able to thank you enough for all that you have already done! My only hope is that I can send back your way even half of the love and support that you’ve given me!!
Feel free to stick around here and read some of what’s already been written. I’ve had this far fetched notion of becoming a writer/blogger for quite some time, but just like my weight loss, never made it a priority or figured out how to achieve it. My only request is that you don’t judge my absolute lack of skill when it comes to creating a blog! 😉